The Truth Hurts

I've been neglecting the blog.  I'm sorry. 

I was going to write more about my half marathon experience, but I couldn't come up with anything witty and profound to say.  I did it.  I still kind of can't believe I did it......

Although the sticker on my car helps me remember!

And I'm training to do it again in November.  Hopefully it won't be quite as painful of an experience in November if I can get my body really acclimated to it before hand.  Unlike this last time where I was pretty much just winging it.  :) 

I realized this morning that I haven't written anything about my upcoming trip....4 days!.....but that quickly was followed by the realization that I don't necessarily have anything upbeat and happy to say about the upcoming trip.  Which I think is ultimately why I've been avoiding the blog. 

I don't want to lie to y'all.  But admitting the truth sometimes sucks.  So it was easier to just not think about it than to try to come up with something to say that would make it sound like everything was hunky dory.  Sometimes the happy face is just too much work.  (And all my energy is being taken up putting the happy face on during "real" interactions.)  So the blog is left getting no face at all. 

Because, you see, while I am soooooooooooo excited about getting to see Davie again in just 4 days, there are a lot of things I'm really not looking forward to about this trip.  And I hate admitting that.  I wish I could be excited without all of the crappy stuff too.  But I'm really NOT excited about spending 4 nights at my MIL's house again.  Part of me feels like I've been there, done that, I shouldn't have to do it again!  :)  I am hoping it will be less of a culture shock now that I've spent time there and I know better what to expect.  But I don't feel ready to go back to being physically and mentally uncomfortable, even if it is only for 4 nights (the first and last nights will be spent in Managua, so at least that's a plus!).  I especially don't feel ready considering my emotional state is a little fragile right now.  Add physical and mental discomfort to that, and I'm almost guaranteed to be a mess this whole trip!

I'm also really, really not looking forward to having to say good bye to Davie again at the end of this trip.  It's getting harder and harder to think about parting, and while I love the visits, they also seem kind of mean.  What I want is so close, but at the same time it's so far, and I know this isn't the trip where I'll get to bring my boys home. 

I love that we figured out we can text pictures!!  It's been great getting real time pictures of what Davie is doing without having to wait for a trip down there to see them.

I know there's nothing I can do except to keep my chin up and try to be strong.  Falling apart doesn't help anything and I can't hide out at home for the next 7 months, waiting for all of this to be over.  So I try to keep myself busy, and I try to put on my happy face.  It doesn't always work and I've found it's easiest just to let the tears come when they want and then move on.  The recovery seems quicker if I don't fight it.  :)  Of course that means I end up crying in random places and some people probably end up thinking I'm a freak (sorry couple next to me at Bros. Houligan talking baby names because they just found out she was pregnant and sorry sales guy at the Vintage Market Days this weekend who sold me this awesome window frame that will be going above our bed!).

While I would love to make it through this separation without crying, we all know that's not going to happen.  I will be a crier my whole life and I just have to deal with it.  :) 

Thankfully, despite the crying, I have wonderful friends and family who are helping me through this experience.  I don't know what I would do without Vanessa.  Not only is she letting me take over most of her weekends with my many visits to OKC, she's going along with me to all sorts of 5k's and other madness. 

Crazy Car Days 5/18.  The bottom left has teeth on it - real dentures and dental equipment and taxidermy deer eyes.  Gross!!!!

Dance Your Paws Off fundraiser for the OKC Animal Shelter

 

Color Me Rad run!!

It's also been really nice this month to have Mandy staying with me while she is traveling to Tulsa for work.  I know she hates being away from Colin and Grady so much, but I really appreciate having someone to talk to in the evenings! 

And as I've said before, I also really appreciate all of the cards, emails, calls I've gotten from so many of you to let me know you are thinking of Davie and I.

We'll get through this.  Just some days are easier than others.  And while in some ways it feels like Davie just left, in many others it feels like he has been gone for a very long time.  All the things I'm doing to help me stay busy and keep my mind off of it, are also things that I'm doing without him that he's not getting to experience.  And I hate that.  There are some things I won't do without him.  Concerts I won't go to, things around the house that I won't do, etc.  I don't want to make too many memories without him.  We can do those things together when he is home where he belongs!

Until then, I will try to make the most out of these visits, in whatever shape they may take.  I'm packing a bunch of dresses and light clothing and hopefully we'll get to go to the river and do other activities to keep us cool while I'm there - Davie keeps talking about how hot it is.  I also know that no matter how miserable it may be to be there, I still won't want to come back when it's time!