Home again

I can't believe we're on our way home. It's been a wonderful trip. I have to say I'm pretty impressed that Kaylynn and I pulled it off almost flawlessly. Thank you so much to everyone who helped us along the way!! I feel much better about making future trips now that the first one is out of the way and considering it went really very well. Kaylynn started crying as we were waiting for the first flight to take off on the 26th and I had a moment of panic that she was going to end up unhappy the whole flight. But she was a champ and fell asleep before everyone even finished boarding and she slept an hour before waking up to eat. She's proven herself to be a great traveler, which is good since I foresee many more trips in her future! :)

This visit to the US has been interesting for me. I wasn't sure how I would feel about it. I was more than a little afraid that I really was not going to want to leave when the time came! But, in reality, I think the trip helped show me that I am where I'm supposed to be. While the US will always be home, and we'll still end up there again one day, it's not a magical land without problems or things I don't like. It's a place, just like any other place, with pros and cons. It was cold! And dreary a lot of the time. I missed the Costa Rican sun and the flowers. I missed watching the hummingbirds in our backyard. I missed the beach! :) Most of all I missed Davie and Eduardo. My family is not complete without the boys. 

Of course one thing the US has that Costa Rica doesn't are my friends and the rest of my family. It meant so much to me that people went out of their way to visit us and meet Kaylynn. I miss you all so much.  But, I've decided I'm lucky to have people to miss, so it's a good thing to be sad when it's time to leave. It means I have people who care about me and who I care about in return and I've realized I don't have to always be with those people to keep them in my life. 

I guess what I want to say is that while I may be sad to leave the US, I'm also excited to be going back to Costa Rica. I know I've been emotional about being in Costa Rica, but that doesn't mean that I regret my choices or that I want to move back tomorrow. If anything, being in the US solidified my decisions even more, as I spent the whole time missing Davie and Eduardo and I'm just not able to give them up, even for the US. :) So, in case anyone was, don't worry about how I'm doing. I'm sure I'll still have days where I miss the US, but I think that's normal. When we move back, I'm sure I'll have days where I miss Costa Rica! It's not always easy, but I am happy. 

Thank you to everyone who made this trip possible and to everyone who visited or sent thoughts / prayers our way or who wanted to visit but couldn't get it worked out this time. We are so lucky to have all of you. 

*** REQUEST *** If you got pictures with / of Kaylynn could you please email them to me? I know I didn't end up with pictures of her with everyone and I would like to add them to her Moment Garden so she has pictures of everyone she met. The ones below are what I have and I would like more please. :) Thank you!!!

Sleeping on her first ever airplane ride!

Gram with Kaylynn, Grady and Norah 

Alice, Rebecca, Kaylynn and I 

Gram and Grumpy with Norah and Kaylynn 

Rachel, Kaylynn and I 

Mike and Kaylynn 

CJ loves the littles!

Great Aunt Pattie with Kaylynn 

Great Grandma and Kaylynn

The Orr girls with Kaylynn

We love her John Deere socks. Thanks Grumpy!!

Such a good traveler! 

New and Old Traditions

I've always been kind of lazy. :) I like doing things but at the same time I'm often ok with doing nothing as something can sound like a lot of work. This is especially true now with two kids. Getting in a shower is an accomplishment, anything else seems exhausting. Davie is similar, so between the two of us it can be a fight to do certain things. 

So I wasn't too worried about trying to make our first Christmas here a big deal. Kaylynn won't remember anyway and Eduardo hasn't had big celebrations in the past, so he won't know any different. I was fully prepared to do bare minimum and be ok with it with everything going on. It's lucky the people before us left an artificial tree or else we might not have had a tree even!

Except, as I started seeing people selling trees around town, I really was sad we weren't going to get a real one this year. And Eduardo started asking about decorating the house weeks ago. And little by little I started to get more excited about making this a "real" celebration this year. 

The only tradition I had wanted to start was making hand prints for the grandparents from the kids. We did that Tuesday. I don't think Davie or Eduardo had ever seen anything like that and I think Davie thought I was a little nuts for attempting it with a three month old. But I think it turned out great and I'm excited to compare them next year to see how much they've changed. (Spoil alert Mom and Dad on your present. :))

Other than the handprints, I didn't really think we would start any traditions this year. It's hard to know what traditions to start and what will really continue year after year. I also still didn't think I wanted to do Santa Claus. 

I don't know why I'm so ambivalent on Santa Claus. Maybe because he's such a part of the American culture that it doesn't seem like a big deal. And being here, where we aren't surrounded by stories of Santa Claus, it definitely didn't seem like a big deal. But then Tuesday Eduardo asked me if Santa was real. I asked what he thought and he said yes. I could tell that he probably really didn't believe, he was just fishing to see what I would say, but it started me thinking maybe we should do Santa after all. 

Davie and his family celebrate Christmas on the 24th. I was all about adopting that tradition so we could keep the 25th lowkey and calm before we travel. I had found a recipe for apple fritters that I wanted to try for breakfast and I was going to make a turkey for lunch. But then I ended up with a job interview Christmas Eve at 10am. There went the apple fritters. And I was thinking I wanted to do Santa Claus, but he can't come the 24th! So, I decided that meant we would celebrate for two days. Nothing is better than celebrating as long as possible anyway. :)

Yesterday we did "Family Christmas" and opened presents early evening then ate a huge dinner with turkey breast, stuffing, potatoes, green beans and rolls. We also watched Santa Claus is Coming to Town and talked about Santa with Eduardo. He left cookies and milk out for Santa before going to bed. I did have to tell Davie that ritz crackers would not cut it with Santa. He needs the milk chocolate milanos! :) Davie stole a cookie off the plate then Eduardo wanted one too. I think they may need awhile to get used to Santa traditions. :) All in all it ended up being a great day. 

So far this morning Eduardo and Kaylynn opened their Santa presents and then I got to make the apple fritters. I got Eduardo wooden building blocks from Santa as he has been using an old Jenga game to build roads for his cars and buildings and all sorts of things. He immediately started playing with them and kept yelling "I love Santa Claus!" Makes me very, very happy I decided to do Santa and that I was able to find the blocks!!! I had looked a couple places already and decided to try one last place yesterday afternoon. It paid off!!!

The apple fritters were good and made enough that the boys can take some with them tomorrow morning for the bus. Tomorrow promises to be a long, very early day for all of us. Wish us luck!

Now I'm hoping we can relax and enjoy each other and the day before getting in bed early. Davie and I need to pack and he's finishing up Kaylynn's laundry now. It's cloudy here today, so here's hoping it dries!

I'm looking forward to continuing to start new traditions and hopefully incorporate some old ones from my and Davie's childhoods as well. We are very blessed. 

Happy holidays everyone!! Thank you to everyone who helped make our holidays special and for all the support you've given us this year. 2014 has been amazing. 2015 promises to be as well!!

Such a haul!

So tired! But she did a good job sticking with us through the present opening. 

Presents, paper and boxes everywhere!! 

Davie and I love this awesome canvas picture Mom and Dad got us!

First thing after all the presents were opened - Eduardo sat down with this book from uncle Mike. I love that it was the first thing he wanted to use. 

Davie and Eduardo got me sunglasses. Kaylynn had to try them out last night. Poor girl was so tired. But she was a a really good sport!

Another book from uncle Mike. Eduardo's decided Mike is magic because he got books about things that Eduardo loves!

Santa presents!

Apple fritter yumminess. 

Three months

Nicknames: Creaky Door, Silly, baby sister

Past times: babbling, sucking on your hands, reading

I can't believe it's been three months baby girl!! Although I imagine I'll say that every month. :) If last month was hard, this month was about acceptance and trying to slowly give up control and trust you to be ok. I'm a work in progress on that front needless to say. :)

I did finally stop tracking your diaper changes and I'm not tracking your eating / sleeping today to see how that goes. Your doctor this morning said it sounds like you are sleeping plenty, and I know you are eating enough. I just worry so much that you won't eat enough one day or get enough sleep!! I constantly remind myself that you would not be happy if you were hungry, so I don't need to worry so much. And, you keep growing and you're so big and strong. Look at the leg chub!!

I haven't figured out yet how to feel better about the amount of sleep you are getting, but hearing the doctor say he thinks the amount of sleep you are getting is fine did help. We'll see if I'm able to continue not tracking! 

Speaking of all of my worry, I started meds for my postpartum anxiety yesterday. It got to the point where I had to accept that what I was feeling was not normal and I needed to do something about it for myself but also so you can have a mom who is strong and capable and who doesn't cry every day. :) I want you to grow up and see that your mom does what I need to do to take care of myself and my family to the best of my ability. I don't want you to grow up thinking it's normal to be sad or anxious all the time. We are in charge of our own happiness and I want you to know it's ok to do what you need to to be happy. You are so beautiful when you are happy!!

Your dad can always get a laugh out of you. 

Your eyes have continued to be two colors. I love it but I'm sure they will even out eventually. 

Most of the time, when you wake up you are so happy and you're playing. You don't wake me up with crying, it's your babbling that does it. The last two days you haven't been as happy. :( I think you are going through a growth spurt and I can see two teeth in your bottom gums, so you may be teething as well, although it's a little early for you to actually get teeth. I miss my happy, smiling girl though. I hate when you are sad!!

You love to kick those legs up when you are playing in your swaddle!!

You can be a serious little thing too though. Very chill, quiet and taking it all in. 

You love your daddy. He's so patient with you. And he can get you to sleep almost every time. You and I are getting ready to go to the US and we will miss your daddy while we are there!! He helps me so much with you!

We went to the beach again and you put your feet in the water for the first time. You weren't too sure about that. :)

Your dad and brother did a great job decorating the Christmas tree! You'll miss your brother too while we are in the US. The boys are headed to Nicaragua for New Years. 

You continue to surprise us every day. We are so blessed to have you in our lives and I can't wait to see what 2015 has in store for you!!

The beach

Oh the beach. I think the universe put the beach there to push every one of my buttons and to make me as crazy as possible, just to laugh at me as I try to not freak out. Everything about our beach trips stresses me out / causes me anxiety / makes me worry. Starting the week before the actual trip, I begin worrying. There's not even a specific thing that makes me worry at that point. It's just knowing we're going causes me major stress. (Although I will say that it's not just the beach. Taking Kaylynn anywhere causes me to stress A LOT ahead of time. :P) And once we are there, there's the sun (I'm burnt to a crisp today and Kaylynn is a little red on her face - HUGE parent fail there) and the sand and the bugs and the rain (SO MUCH rain today) and weird worm thingies at the edge of the surf that I hop scotch around because I'm sure if I stepped on one it would burrow it's way inside my body through my foot and take up residency in my intestines and Kaylynn doesn't eat or sleep like she normally does which causes me the most worry of all. 

So I worry, and I stress, and I have major anxiety. But I go. And I will continue to go. And hopefully one day there will be less worry and stress and anxiety. And maybe one day there won't be any at all. I'll go because it's good for me to get out of my comfort zone. And because I'll never get over the worry and stress if I don't try those things that make me worry the most. But mostly I'll go because it's beautiful. And Eduardo loves it. And I do too, when I relax and let myself. 

Today the location was one of the most beautiful places I've ever been in my life. We had friends go with us again today, which is so fun. There was a guy renting chairs and umbrellas, which was perfect for us. No monkeys this time, but there were macaws and iguanas. The water wasn't deep and there wasn't a tide to worry about (riptide here can be bad). The kids loved all the shells, there weren't shells at the last beach. We'll definitely be back to this beach, for sure! Oh, and on the way, we went over a bridge where crocodiles lived in the river underneath. Next beach trip, we will definitely be stopping at the bridge to get a better look!

So amazing. And this isn't even all of it! I don't know why I didn't get pictures of the full 180 degree view!

Kaylynn's feet are in the water. Unfortunately they got cut off so you can't actually tell! :)

Outtake from our Christmas card photo. Kaylynn thinks Eduardo's face is in her space. 

Beach and baby. Can't get much better than that!

(Side note - I do recognize that my anxiety and worry is out of control and unfounded (mostly). I'm telling you - the post partum anxiety is real and it is difficult. But I'm working on it. And hopefully it will continue to get better as time goes on!)

Take in the View

I was reminded again tonight, as tends to happen every time I look out our balcony doors between 4 and 5:30, that I am living in Costa Rica and this place is amazing. And instead of worrying quite so much, I need to really try to be present in the moment and just let what happens happen and enjoy the fact that we live in Costa Rica and this is what I can look outside and see, almost every day, if I just take the time to do it. 

You can't tell from the picture, but tonight it was clear enough to see to the ocean. How lucky are we?

And inside, this is my view. 

Really, what else could I ask for?

Hopefully this reminder will last me at least until tonorrow. :)

Coming Together

It's nice when things feel like they are working out. Especially considering things haven't always been easy or worked out, so it feels really good to have them finally starting to come together. 

Today we got Kaylynn's permiso de salida (permission to leave) that lets us take her out of the country. It's the last thing I had to have to be able to travel with her on the 26th. I ordered some things from Amazon to help make the travel for us easier, and I picked those up today as well. We have an appointment Monday morning to get her social security number and I think she'll pretty much be official in all three countries at that point!

Eduardo's mom came through and sent the form we needed from her to renew his US passport. With visa rules and everything, it's so much easier for him to travel on a US passport compared to his Nicaraguan one. So keep your fingers crossed the US embassy says we're good. We've got an appointment to renew his passport tomorrow morning. I'm just nervous they aren't going to like the form his mom sent. They can be very particular about things! Not that I blame them. I just want to get it right! So I'll be glad when our appointment is over tomorrow and I can stop stressing about it. :) I'll find something else to stress about, I'm sure, but at least we'll hopefully have his US passport renewed so he can come with me to the US next trip!!

There's so much paperwork involved with kids, and it seems even more so with the whole international piece thrown in there too. I swear I've got my passport out almost every day for something. But I don't mind all the paperwork as there's a list of things needed for everything we have to do and I can check off each item as I get it together. It very much appeals to my accounting side. :) Granted some of the items on the lists are easier to get than others, but so far we've been successful. As long as the embassy takes Eduardo's mom's form tomorrow!!

In other good news, I'm job interviewing!!!! I had an interview last Thursday with a software company out of the US. It's a 100% remote position, which I kind of like the sound of in some ways, but it would be a lot of work, I think, for not a lot of pay. I had an interview here on Tuesday with Western Union and they called back less than 24 hours later to schedule a second interview!! So I have that tomorrow afternoon. I'm really excited about it. We'll see what happens! It's hard juggling everything as a working mom and I'm not even really working yet! :P 

Eduardo helps keep Kaylynn happy in the evenings so I can gulp down dinner before her last feeding. It never fails that it falls right as I sit down to eat. :)

Kaylynn's been sleeping in her crib like a big girl! She's done so well with it! Better than me, I think. :)

She's started playing! Kind of. :) She's very funny to watch and play with. 

Neither of them seemed to like this. :) But, again, at dinnertime we do what we have to! It didn't last long. 

I got her on her arm with a fingernail yesterday. Oh the mom guilt!