First bump pic

I'm still not sure if it's baby or just dinner, but it's definitely there!!

I'm loving my new clothes Mom sent! Maternity clothes are super comfy!!

Tomorrow is 13 weeks. I feel like the time is flying by. I went for a doctors appointment almost two weeks ago and got to hear the heart beat again. The nurse wasn't sure if she would be able to find the heart beat the "easy" way since I was only 11 weeks at the time and she said normally you have to be 12-13 weeks to be able to hear the heart beat that way, but she found it almost right away. It sounded so strong!!! I've decided that means baby is going to be an over achiever. :) Since then I've stopped stressing quite as much about how things are going. There will always be stress, but it has decreased a fair amount. Of course, part of that may just be that I've been working a ton and haven't had time to do anything else!! :)

Davie and I leave for Costa Rica on the 22nd. I have two job interviews while we're there and we're hoping to find our house soon after we get there. We're excited to get to be together and to get some of these big to do items crossed off our list!!!

We're there until March 30th and then I'm planning on officially making the move May 15th. My last day at work will be May 8th. 

It's all starting to come together!

You Can't Have It All

I feel like I have a lot I could say that would fit under the title "You Can't Have It All".  I've been really sad lately about losing my job.  I like the people I'm working with, I LOVE my actual job, and the idea of having to give it up makes me so, so sad.  My replacement starts next Monday and it's just all very real that this is happening.

And don't even get me started on moving so far away from family and friends and all that I will miss out on not being just a short drive away.

So, I was all prepared to write about everything that I'm not going to get to have so that I can be with Davie, when I heard two things that helped change my perspective.

1) This quote on TV last night:  "Life isn't fair, but it is certainly eventful."  I've said over and over that my life with Davie is an adventure.  It may not look like other people's lives or like what I had thought it would be, but I'm certainly having an adventure!  And, how can I ask for more when I'm getting to live a life that other people can't imagine, but in a good way?  Life isn't fair, I shouldn't expect to have it all and all choices are going to come with sacrifices.  While the sacrifices Davie and I are making to be together aren't fun or ideal, we could be in such a worse situation, so I need to remember to just be thankful for what we do have and focus on the excitement of our next adventure together. 

2)  All of Me by John Legend is my current theme song for my relationship with Davie.  :)  Here's the chorus:

 

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

 

 

I was listening to this today and realized, while I may not have it all, I do have all of Davie and what more could I really ask for?  We're both so excited to be back together.  I feel like our conversations recently have been more upbeat and hopeful - we know we'll be together again soon and for good this time.  And soon we'll have our own little baby together and, while I hate giving up my job and my house and moving so far from family and friends, the life Davie and I have built and continue to build is all that I would ask for in the end. 

 

So maybe I really can have it all.

I scream, you scream

This baby looooooooves ice cream. I have to be careful with that. :) But it's soooooo yummy!!

10 weeks

Today is the 10 week mark for my pregnancy.  So I thought I would do a little update on how things are going.  :)  There's still 30 weeks to go, which seems like a lot at this moment!

Baby is the size of a: prune (or kumquat, depending on which pregnancy app I look at :))
Baby craves: lemonade and carbs
Mama craves: a nap!
Pregnancy symptoms: gagging, mucus production (I haven't blown my nose so much in my life), peeing at the slightest provocation, complete exhaustion
Baby bump: pre-pregnancy size (being fat to start takes some of the fun out of the bump watch :))
Mama worries: that things aren't progressing the way they should
Daddy: tells baby to behave so Mama can feel better and tells Mama not to worry that things are fine
Baby name ideas: Damon Michael Maradiaga; Kaylynn Maradiaga

My next doctor's appointment is March 3rd.  I'm ready to hear the heartbeat again and know everything is still looking good in there!  March 8th is the end of the first trimester.  I'm ready for that date as well!

In other news, the house had three showings yesterday!  And we already have two scheduled for tomorrow!  Keep your fingers crossed it sells soon and at a decent price!

Paranoia and Trust

I've got trust issues.  In all things.  And now it turns out I have major trust issues when it comes to my body and believing it can do this thing - building a person.  I feel like I need to be more actively involved.  Someone needs to give me a checklist that I can monitor and make sure each step gets completed on time and appropriately.  The days when I feel less sick are the days I worry the most.  I read an article that says that morning sickness is a good sign as it means that things are progressing as they should be and now I worry if I'm not feeling sick that means something is wrong.  And I don't like that I can't check in on the progress whenever I want and make sure things are going the way they are supposed to.  Heart developed four chambers - check.  Fingers and toes beginning to separate - check.  Ears moving towards the right placement - check.  I need to be able to see that these things are happening!  The first two to six weeks after conception I had terrible cramps.  I went to the doctor and she checked everything out and said the cramps were normal, just things stretching and getting ready to start making a person.  As the cramps started tampering off, the morning sickness ramped up.  The last few days I haven't felt all that terrible.  Still some nausea, but not nearly what I was having and almost no gagging during the day (which was so nice to have happen at work, let me tell you).  I still feel off, but it's been nice not to throw up every morning.  Except now I'm stressing myself out that something might not be right because I should still feel sick for at least another two and a half weeks, right?? 

I now fully understand why some women rent fetal doppler monitors so they can listen to the heart beat whenever they want.  It would be nice to hear it, even for just a few seconds, to know that he's in there and things really are moving forward as they should.  I don't trust mother nature.  She brings tornadoes and hurricanes and all sorts of craziness.  I really should be given control over this process.  That's not that much to ask.  :)

I'm not really that worked up about this, so no worries.  :)  It just seems like a very reasonable thing to be more involved in this making a baby business.  I don't like just being an incubator!  I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something really important that needs to get done to make sure this process goes off without a hitch.  Maybe once I really start feeling better and I can eat right and exercise more I'll feel like I'm helping.  Right now I'm just trying to get through each day without having to leave work early.  :)

Special Delivery (aka Big Change)

Surprise!! Because we like to do nothing easily, I ended up coming home from my holiday trip with a little something extra. :) We're very excited, but this obviously changes things again. We're now planning on moving mid-May and we have a trip planned the last week of March to house hunt and for me to interview. My due date is September 20th. 

I have a new appreciation for moms everywhere. I'm a terrible sick person normally, and this hasn't been any easier. :) But I try to remember that we'll have a cute little baby at the end of all of this to help me get through the exhaustion, nausea, vomiting, etc, etc. That mostly works. :)

We are very excited to meet our little one in 7 months. 

It's just stuff

I've been thinking about this post now for months, but I just can't seem to get the words to come out right.  So I'll just summarize - while I know things are just things and they aren't the most important part of life, I'm still sad about giving them away as so much of what I have was once given to me by someone else and is a sign of how much that person cares about me.  And I just wanted to say thank you again, to everyone who has ever given me something, for the physical thing that you gave me, but also for the thought and feeling that went into the gift.  Unfortunately, I am not able to keep most of my things with this move, so it's likely that what you gave me in the past is going to be donated and someone else will be using it soon.  But as I go through my things and create piles of what to keep and what to give away, I want you to know that I am trying to remember where things came from and who gave me what and to think on those memories one last time before the item is gone from my life forever.  I'm not perfect at it - I know there are probably lots of things that I don't remember their origins (because, I have to admit, I have A LOT of stuff!) - but I am trying.  And I am very blessed to be in a position where so many of my things were gifts from others, not only because of the material things but also because that shows how many people I have in my life who care about me.  And as I get ready to embark on this move to a foreign country, it is so nice to know that even though you all won't be physically close to me, I have all of you behind me, supporting Davie and I throughout this process.  Thank you.