Paranoia and Trust

I've got trust issues.  In all things.  And now it turns out I have major trust issues when it comes to my body and believing it can do this thing - building a person.  I feel like I need to be more actively involved.  Someone needs to give me a checklist that I can monitor and make sure each step gets completed on time and appropriately.  The days when I feel less sick are the days I worry the most.  I read an article that says that morning sickness is a good sign as it means that things are progressing as they should be and now I worry if I'm not feeling sick that means something is wrong.  And I don't like that I can't check in on the progress whenever I want and make sure things are going the way they are supposed to.  Heart developed four chambers - check.  Fingers and toes beginning to separate - check.  Ears moving towards the right placement - check.  I need to be able to see that these things are happening!  The first two to six weeks after conception I had terrible cramps.  I went to the doctor and she checked everything out and said the cramps were normal, just things stretching and getting ready to start making a person.  As the cramps started tampering off, the morning sickness ramped up.  The last few days I haven't felt all that terrible.  Still some nausea, but not nearly what I was having and almost no gagging during the day (which was so nice to have happen at work, let me tell you).  I still feel off, but it's been nice not to throw up every morning.  Except now I'm stressing myself out that something might not be right because I should still feel sick for at least another two and a half weeks, right?? 

I now fully understand why some women rent fetal doppler monitors so they can listen to the heart beat whenever they want.  It would be nice to hear it, even for just a few seconds, to know that he's in there and things really are moving forward as they should.  I don't trust mother nature.  She brings tornadoes and hurricanes and all sorts of craziness.  I really should be given control over this process.  That's not that much to ask.  :)

I'm not really that worked up about this, so no worries.  :)  It just seems like a very reasonable thing to be more involved in this making a baby business.  I don't like just being an incubator!  I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something really important that needs to get done to make sure this process goes off without a hitch.  Maybe once I really start feeling better and I can eat right and exercise more I'll feel like I'm helping.  Right now I'm just trying to get through each day without having to leave work early.  :)