Two months

We made it another month. I feel like this one was hard. Like, hardest month of my life hard. But I think we're on the other side. Mostly. :)

Breastfeeding has been really, really difficult. They don't tell you about that really. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I wasn't expecting this. But when you are latched on correctly and there's no pain and I'm looking down, watching you eat, I'm so glad we've stuck it out and been able to get to this point together. It's one of the best things I feel like I've done in my life - to be able to nurish you the last two months. And you are a chunk, so I know you are getting what you need! :) But man, it's been HARD!

I'm on constant alert for signs of postpartum depression given my history of depression and the fact that I got off my meds so I could feed you. What I wasn't prepared for, but that I feel like has hit harder, was postpartum anxiety. The things my mind can conjure up that might go wrong are terrifying. Most of the time I'm able to redirect my thinking, but the anxiety is very new to me and caught me completely unprepared. In a lot of ways I feel like the jury is still out on whether or not I'm going to end up with PPD. I fight it every day so I can be the best Mommy for you I can be. But again, HARD!

We struggle most days with sleep. You did not get my love of sleep, that's for sure! :) We're working on it, but you sure do fight hard most of the time to stay awake. I know your dad and I are fun, but sleep really is too! :) I know one day you'll start settling into a routine, and thankfully your dad and I are able to both be home right now, so neither of us is doing things alone. I wonder if there's more I should try to be doing to get you into a routine. I did finally start swaddling you for naps, which made a big difference! We'll get there. Until then, I'm just a little sleep deprived. :)

For all the hard though, there have been some of the best moments of my life too. I love your smiles. And how you coo and babble when you wake up in the morning. I love when I can make you laugh. And watching your eyes every day to see what color they are is a favorite pastime of mine these days. (FYI - today they are both looking hazel. We went through a week or so where one was still blue and the other was hazel. That was neat, but I never could get a good picture of it.) Oh and I LOVE when I pick you up to burp after you are done eating and you've got your arms and legs bent out to the sides and look just like a little frog. It's so cute! And you are HEAVY in that position. You've also got eyelashes that don't quit. They've started growing in and they are going to be pretty! I hope they are as thick as your dad's and as long as mine. :) We'll be beating potential suitors off with a stick!

Your dad has been wonderful. He takes care of the house stuff and I'm on baby duty. We do help each other out occasionally as well and swap responsibilities. It's been stressful not having a job, but we really are so lucky to have this time with you! I could not do it without his support. And watching him with you is amazing. There's a lot of love there. We are lucky to have him! Your big brother likes to help too. When he stops moving long enough, he loves getting a chance to hold you. And he's great about trying to distract you if you get upset. He's going to really protect you as you get older!

You're officially a US citizen. We picked up your US passport and report of birth abroad certificate this month. And next month we'll take your first trip to the US!! I'm very excited. I wish your dad and big brother could go too, but your abuela (grandma) is looking forward to getting to see them so they are going to Nicaragua. She's ready to meet you too! When you are a little bigger we'll go visit your Nicaraguan family. I'm nervous enough about traveling to the US. I'm not quite ready to take you to Nicaragua. But soon!

Nicknames: Bullrider, little frog, baby girl

Pastimes: Singing The Wheels on the Bus and other songs, kicking your feet, making noise, being adorable :)